Partick Panther

A man in Newcastle walked into the produce section of his local ASDA supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bast*rd outside wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy........... "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "New Zealand, sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand!" "Really?" replied the boy, "Who did she play for?"

Only by Inheritance I suspect! The Half Back is a guy Called Peter Wallace.

From what I saw in the Highlights video Osborne didn't touch the ball once!

Isn't it great to see a Scottish Team win something. No one gave the Scots a chance against the Tongans but we prevailed and beat them. So now onto the second match and hopefully another win to progress into the finals.

It's nearly Ironic that we play them on the same date as that Famous Victory back in 1971! so let's hope that we can do the same again.

The Baillieston Boy "Alec Forsyth" was a dead set Hard and Fair Man on the park that's why Tommy Docherty signed him for Man Utd!

Anyone who saw Dave MacKay play would agree that he was ahard but fair player in his day. Just ask Billy Bremmner!!!

S O M E T I M E S Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. - - - But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody knows!! Gotcha!! And You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories! Send this to your friends -- Make them laugh!

THE MALE CYCLE When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing." The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it." .

Actually my friend, it's the English that are called Pommies by the Aussies. We Scots, the Irish and the Welsh are not called Pommies. As you would expect we Scots get called "Haggis, Sweaty Socks, and even the dreaded Scotch! The Irish of course are the Paddies and the Welsh are known as the Taffs!

I remember a game at Tannadice where we were 3-0 down after only about 15 mins. We were late getting into the game and it was 3-0. Final score was 5-0 think. A great one was the 5-3 game where we beat St Johnstone to move onto the 71 league cup semi against Falkirk.

GET HIM NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Money Talks my Friend!!!

Blackpool Jag, You should note that there are a few thousand Scottish Born residents here in Australia and although I can say that their hearts all belong to Scotland their Heads are saying "Live here in Australia" so I think I can speak for all of them that follow Fitba that they will be cheering on the Aussies in the World Cup mate otherwise they would be cheering on Scotland for sure if they had managed to get there! Who will you be going for instead of Bonny Scotland then mate or will you not bother? By the waynmate, I've lived here now for the past 26 yrs and on any weekend I can be seen wearing one of my Scotland Fitba Jerseys or one of my Partick Thistle Jerseys and with Pride too mate. There's no problem over here with any trouble because of wearing a Fitba Jersey in or out of a Pub or Club I might add! Cheers Mate and MONNNNNAAAAATHEEEEEEEESSSSELLLL!!

Spare just a Wee Tiny Thought for the Aussies' the poor souls. They have been Humped 6-0 to both Brazil & France in Friendlies recently and their once German Coach/ Manager got the old Heave Ho on the weekend. Ok they won 3-0 last night against the Highly Ranked Canadian Side (152) but the run off from these 2 big defeats has been on the go since the weekend and the bickering amongst the former players like Robbie Slater ( Blackburn Rovers) Mark Bosnich ( Chelsea, Man Utd & Aston Villa ) towards the current squad and in particular towards Luca Neill ( Blackburn Rovers now Sydney F.C ) has now reached the Boo Hoo stage with all the backstabbing that is going on. Now the search is on Big Time for a new Coach/ Manager before next month. This is not good especially as the World Cup is only 9 months away! Talk today is that they will go for an Australian Coach/Manager although Guss Hiddink is in the Frame too! He got them to the 2006 World Cup. Time will tell. At least they got to the World Cup which is more than I can say for the Scotttish Team although they got a good result last night too!

we're Comin, We're Comin, We're Comin Doon The Road!!!!

BEST--League Cup Final which I was at aged 16.Followed by the 3-2 win over Rangers at Firhill in 1st Game of season 71-72.Followed by the 8-3 win over Motherwell at Firhill. WORST-- Not going to the 2-1 win at Parkheid in 92 due to a massive hangover!!!! Followed by the 4-1 loss to Rangers in 92 at Firhill. Followed by the 1-0 defeat to Honved in seaon 71-72.

A newly wed couple returned to their apartment after their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and make love?", the husband asked. "Shh!",said the bride."all the neighbours will know what we are about to do.These walls are paper thin.In the future we will have to speak in code.How about asking, 'have you left the waashing machine door open',instead." So,the following night the husband asks,"I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open?" "No...I definitely closed it tonight",replied the wife,and promptly turned over and fell soundly asleep. When she woke up,however,she was feeling a little frisky herself and nudged her husband,saying,"I think I might have left the washing machine door open after all,would you like to do some washing?". "No,thanks,"said the husband."It was only a small wash, so I did it by hand!"

A Male Fairy Tale Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No !!!” And the Prince lived happily ever after ie ........ he rode motorcycles and shagged skinny, long-legged Sheila's with big-tits, he hunted, fished and raced cars, he went to strip bars and dated women half his age, he drank whiskey, beer and heaps of Captain Morgan Rum and never heard any bitching, he never paid child support or alimony, he banged all the best looking cheerleaders and he kept his guns in his house, he ate spam, potato chips, cold pizza and beans for breakfast, he never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell he blew enormous farts whenever he felt like it, he had tons of money in the bank and he always left the toilet seat up. The End

Like I said Smarty Wombat Bum it's an observation!

Great Reading!

This isn't a Joke but just an observation. Why is it that every time you go to the Doctors he/she! or the receptionist always asks you " and how are you today" as if they really care and anyway Why would you be there if you were feeling Good?

The Scottish Arab An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a Thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, "I thought you would show your generosity again, & would give me another BMW, diamonds, and money, but you only gave me a Thank-you Card and a box of Quality Street .." To this the Arab replied, "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins .... ."

Belter!