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As it's Hump Day ( middle of the week ) I thought I'd add some cheer to the day. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you Believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.　 The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a　 vacuum cleaner Talk about Dyson with death.　 Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"　 I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".　 I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume　 she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.　 My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my　 girlfriend yet.　 I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at　 the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.　 The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.　 A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.　 When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....　 I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I　 thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!　 My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to Our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.　 Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.　 I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I　 could check her balance, so I pushed her over.　 I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.　 I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'　 On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'