Rid Skwerr

I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out........... What kind of sick Kn*b would throw a wasp in a bin?

My mate works for the Police Negotiators........... He tried phoning in sick this morning but they talked him out of it.....

An Old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?' "Nah," says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too much!"

test

The Record has a somewhat more graphic description of the injuries - Oh-ya ** Not for the faint-hearted **

I wonder if their concerns centre on Ms McHaffie's (and other Trust functionaries') close ties to a former, albeit short-lived, PTFC director.

michelle

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen

I think so..... although it may have been the ground up remains of McColl's career.

Can't vouch for them myself, but this mob - Chips Away, get a good write-up from owners on the car site I subscribe to. They come to you, but maybe your dents would be more than the "minor" ones they claim to fix.

The 'Beath wasn't all bad, though. We bought a family-size steak pie from the butcher's up by the station and it was delicious - packed with meat and a lovely crunchy crust. Best steak pie since the one we bought in Crail.....maybe it's a Fife thing..... The football was still a f'n disgrace, mind

saucer

Giddy up a Ding Dong - The Sensational Alex Harvey Band

That was what I heard, too.

I thought level 43 were just that wee bit better!

Do you mean when he was one of The Young Boys?

banks

Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young

Ain't no love in the heart of the city - Whitesnake

pew

Remember me? Entering the last couple of hundred now..... 341. You never know what's up your sleeve in the next room. 342. That's us back to square-root again. 343. Just to put you in the background. 344. Going around like a bear with a sore a---- 345. The cat calling the kettle black. 346. If you go and ask you get your bottom questioned. 347. You can't see the daylight for the trees 348. I'm just sitting in there as a bystander. 349. They fell a bloody asunder. 350. We're all getting wiser under the belt. 351. His light was in darkness. 352. Stretched a wee bit thinly over the ground. 354. Working like a trooper. 355. My head's going round in circles. 356. Every other second day. 357. Not that that's a skin off their back. 358. You just hit it on the nutshell. 359. I'm sure we're doing it but could you make sure we do it. 360. He'll be over fleeing in my ear.

- Spike Jones

taxi

Missed the performance against Dundee, so I'm now thinking there must have been a collective agreement by those who were there to kid on the rest of us that something had changed. Today's show was pretty much what I've been watching since January. Very little skill, no guile or cunning and damn little effort or commitment. In short - total dross. This is a poor, poor squad of average to below average players and we will do well to stay in Div 1 unless something drastic changes soon. Sad times at Firhill.

Ah - that's what happened to the McDonald Brothers! Nice to see Gregg Watson, Stephen Docherty and big Welshie (Brian? Stevie?) Wish we had some of those guys now.