Dastardly's Theorem Of Thistle

[Dick Dastardly]

The performance of the team on the field of play (p) is directly improportional to the expectation of the supporters in the buildup to the game (e).

 

p=-e

 

The recent revision to the theorem adds (i) use of the internet by supporters which can be seen as a multiplier of e

 

p=-(e*i)

 

Discuss.

[Albert's Ghost]

Similar to Albert's Theorem

p = 1/b

i.e. performance is inversely proportional to buildup.

The bigger the 'occasion', the poorer the performance.

[eljaggo]

Good equation Dick, although I would prefer the inverse rather than the negative sign

 

P = 1/e*i

 

I would also add the following to define supporters' expectations (E)

 

E = M*C squared

 

where

E = supporters' expectations

M = manager's skill level

C = inverse of the probability of customary f**k up in last 5 minutes

[The Sunnylaw Jag]

Dick Dastardly what would you know about winning? I've bet on you several times at the bookies and each time you come in feckin' last even that Penelope Pitstop's more reliable than you. And while we're at it have you caught that bloody pigeon yet?

[Dick Dastardly]

It's not my fault. My manager keeps setting the wrong tactics for catching the pigeon and while I'm at it, betting is a mugs game. As for Miss Pitstop, I think she very much appreciates me letting her come first.