How To Win In The Spflplfs - Whatever, In Scotland

[Fearchar]

Because I had to go north at the weekend, I took in the Inverness Caley Thistle v Aberdeen game. As I thought that maybe a few pointers can be picked up from the top 6 in our division, here are a few notes on how we could improve.

 

Firstly, there is no doubt that the kind of football that wins in this division is something we’ve lacked. In particular, we’ve missed the hard, bumpy surface that makes it so much easier to confound goalkeepers: who knows where the ball will bobble to if it’s skited goalwards. So this is the first improvement I’d make at Firhill: get some livestock on to it during the summer; maybe some police horses could be given grazing as a public service.

 

Secondly, midfield is where the game is won or lost tactically. It stands to reason that that’s the place where no goals are scored, and so it serves two purposes: by having a hard, bumpy surface, it helps players to get firm footing so that they can jump up for those bouts of head tennis that sort out the men from the boys in the Scottish game. Never mind all the namby-pamby, tippy-tappy passing stuff – this is the future if you want success. Oh, and picking a few giants, or at least players that can jump and elbow with conviction, is a must.

 

Also, the midfield serves not just as the launching pad for possession, but also as the flight path to goal: balls must be launched quickly to cover as much distance as possible to reach the opposition goal area. It stands to reason that with the element of surprise, this is the quickest, most efficient way of putting pressure on the opposition. Get the ball to fly up to the opposition penalty box, and you might get a free kick or a scramble in the box or, if you’re really lucky, a penalty. With some big, predatory strikers up there, the game is as good as won if you keep following these tactics. Of course, there’s a lot of space up front where the ball might bounce: so you really do need your strikers to be good athletes – the kind of muscular athletes that can chase down loose balls and put the frighteners on goalkeepers and big centre-halves alike.

 

Finally, as we all know, set pieces are generally where the Scottish game is won or lost: clearly, players have to be aware of how and where to fall down in order to multiply the effectiveness of the free punts in the general direction of the opposition penalty box. These free punts don’t have to be taken from close to goal – just in the opposition half, so that a long blooter can get those big strikers to intimidate the goalkeeper. In fact, if they are taken from close to goal, they tend to be treated as moonshot attempts by the kind of muscular athlete I'm recommending here. As mentioned above, the unyielding surface contributes to making this a success.

 

So there’s the plan for next season: sort out the playing surface, evacuate the midfield and remember how efficient kick-and-rush is. Sorted! See you in Europe next season.

 

(Note for football fans: these thoughts occurred after watching a match that cost £21, and frankly was worth, at most, £6. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the concussion of ex-players doing their punditry resulted, in this case, in the observation that there was a passing game going on. Maybe that was when I nodded off.)

[Lenziejag]

I understand what you are trying to get across - but it was 0-0. What is the top 6 secret for keeping the opposition out.

[Rid Skwerr]

Depressingly accurate....:-(

[Fearchar]

I understand what you are trying to get across - but it was 0-0. What is the top 6 secret for keeping the opposition out.

A big goalkeeper carrying a large slice of luck - at both ends.