SookeJag

Peter Keenan had several fights at Firhill. http://boxrec.com/list_bouts.php?cat=boxer&human_id=16364

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr Maynard was actually admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."

Heading to Glasgow for 3 weeks.

YOU RAN across the pitch and Mrs Skwerr let you. I assume the life insurance is fully paid up. Bet you enjoyed it old sir.

Do you think they will bring back the death penalty for anyone caught throwing eggs ?

Gutted

and the next line is?

I suggest you wear the fox hat.

(a Newfie is someone from Newfoundland) Two Newfies were talking one afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the first Newfie says to the second, 'If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?' The second Newfie crooked his head sideways, scratched, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, 'Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even.'

Tesco have just opened a burger bar. It's called 'Horses for Courses!' I've tried Sainsbury's and Tesco burgers and I have to say Tesco wins by a nose. Never having another one of those Tesco burgers. Gave me the trots. I think I had Tesco Horseburger last night by mistake. Never again. Had terrible night mares Traces of zebras found in Tesco barcodes. Bet Tesco hate being saddled with this story. Their PR agency must be bridling too. They'll just have to get the bit between their teeth. Whatever next? My Lidl pony? The police are doing a door to door enquiries about these horse burgers. They will soon have covered the whole Neigh-bourhood. I see absolutely no problem with horsemeat in my burgers, which is why my mane is so glossy and I'm running in the 3:10 at Kempton A woman was sent to hospital after eating a horse meat burger...... Her condition is said to be stable I expect this only relates to those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the horse d'oeuvres. After having Tesco burgers I used to say that I felt a little horse, now I understand why. So hungry I could eat a horse... Guess I'll go to TESCO ..................... AND MY FAVOURITE Went to the freezer to check my Tesco burgers, and....THEY'RE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aren't they beside the left handed coffee mugs? Or the wummin who puts her stuff on the check out then goes off for something she forgot. The person ahead paid and left so I went ahead and put my basket up front. While it was being processed the wummin returned and killed me with her look.

PAIN EXPLAINED FROM A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child". On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts". I rest my case

The King of Spain is the son of Joe.

I'm older than blaze pitches going back to clinker pitches. They got the ash from all the council boilers and put that down it was like playing on charcoal. If a fresh load was put on during the week you had to gather up the larger lumps and get them off the pitch. I played in goal and still have black streaks in my knees and thighs from cuts. You had to SCRUB the stuff out of your legs. OUCH.

It's got to be Maradona's "Hand of God"

Well done you.

I remember a guy throwing pies on to the track at Carntyne because his dug was losing.

Way back in 1973 I was one of the coaches of Possil YC and we beat Whitehill in the final of the Secondary Juvenile Cup.

Many years ago Gary Player that great golfer was being interviewed after a round and it was suggested that he was very lucky with all the iron shots to the green that seemed to land very close to the pin. Player agreed and said it was strange but the more he practiced the luckier he got.

If we were sigesige00's beloved N. Korea and he made these sort of comments against us he would probably be looking up at the grassroots by now. If he were would we hold a minutes silence or cheer?

During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind big trees." Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."

Was she Dil, from The Crying Game?

O.K. I cheated.

or it could be "e.g. Tony Blair? I vomit!"

As the Big Yin said F*** O** is universal and understood in every country.