kni Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Someone has explained rhyming slang to the new Pope aka Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 White smoke from the Vatican - that can only mean one thing: They've finally finished burning all the laptops and hard drives. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted March 15, 2013 Report Share Posted March 15, 2013 From Milton Jones on Dave last night: My favourite film is a great French movie called "AND". It was released here as "ET". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 The father of Gary and Phil Neville is called Neville - Neville Neville! He was arrested today for indecent assault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Willjag Posted March 26, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Don't get it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, “What’s a four letter word, ending in U – N – T that means’ woman’?” The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. “Aunt, your Holiness.” The Pope didn’t speak for a second. “Oh.” He paused. “Do you have an eraser?” Edited March 28, 2013 by kni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted April 2, 2013 Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 I was watching the Chuckle Brothers playing tennis earlier. It became quite annoying very quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Just won a fantastic prize in a Doctor Who competition. Two tickets for the 1971 Scottish League Cup Final. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1876Jag Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) My son was baptised Times New Roman. I think the vicar used the wrong font. Edited April 8, 2013 by 1876Jag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1876Jag Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) . Edited April 8, 2013 by 1876Jag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 My son was baptised Times New Roman. I think the vicar used the wrong font. Good one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicofan Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 I hear that Rolf Harris has been caught playing his digeridoo in A-minor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted April 26, 2013 Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) Obama goes on a State visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack. The undertakers tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100." The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?" One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. "We simply can't take that risk". Edited April 26, 2013 by kni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted May 14, 2013 Report Share Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) The most dangerous letter to the BBC started "Dear Jim Can you fix it for me to appear on "It's A Knockout"? Edited May 15, 2013 by kni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamiltonjag Posted May 21, 2013 Report Share Posted May 21, 2013 Japanese couple having an argument.. Husband says "Sukitaki!" Wife replies "Kowanini!" Husband says "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!" Wife on her knees begging "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!" Husband replies angrily "Kina tim kouji!" And look at you, sitting there reading this as if you understand Japanese. Ya daft bstard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted May 22, 2013 Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 Japanese couple having an argument.. Husband says "Sukitaki!" Wife replies "Kowanini!" Husband says "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!" Wife on her knees begging "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!" Husband replies angrily "Kina tim kouji!" And look at you, sitting there reading this as if you understand Japanese. Ya daft bstard. It's no' even Japanese! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted May 28, 2013 Report Share Posted May 28, 2013 Police in Paisley last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 15 kilos of heroin, 5 million in forged euro banknotes and 25 trafficked east-European prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library. Local residents were stunned, as a community spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 An Irishman goes for a job as a Blacksmith. Man asks him "Have you got any experience shoeing horses?" "No", says the Irishman, "but I once told a donkey to feck off." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaggybunnet Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 A guy bursts into a busy bar brandishing a gun screaming " Who the ****s been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back shouts back "You aint brought enough ammo" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeredStirlingsrightfoot Posted June 9, 2013 Report Share Posted June 9, 2013 I bought a second hand Skoda recently, I thought I'd got a good deal but there were some issues with it and I realised I'd been ripped off. That's the problem with second had car dealers, they will do anything to Felicia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 A guy bursts into a busy bar brandishing a gun screaming " Who the ****s been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back shouts back "You aint brought enough ammo" In what sense is that a joke ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 In what sense is that a joke ? I would imagine that it is the intention of the fellow with the gun to shoot whoever had been having carnal knowledge of his wife. The implication is that so many of the clients of the bar had had their way with her, that the supply of bullets available would be insufficient to shoot each one of them. In short, his wife is a serial adulteress. Jokes are never as funny when you have to explain them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 I would never allow a warped mirror in my house. I think it would reflect badly on me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I would imagine that it is the intention of the fellow with the gun to shoot whoever had been having carnal knowledge of his wife. The implication is that so many of the clients of the bar had had their way with her, that the supply of bullets available would be insufficient to shoot each one of them. In short, his wife is a serial adulteress. Jokes are never as funny when you have to explain them! Thanks for that, but it wasn't that I didn't get, it was more the absence of any joke qualities, in that there wasn't any joke-ness, that prompted my question... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Thanks for that, but it wasn't that I didn't get, it was more the absence of any joke qualities, in that there wasn't any joke-ness, that prompted my question... 29 pages of utter dross, tacit racism, religious stereotyping and outright mysogyny and *this* is the joke that you question? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.