Jaggernaut Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 Yesterday on the train going to Glasgow for the match, I'm sitting at a table beside one guy, and there's another guy across from us. At Larbert two girls get on, maybe Italian, clearly backpackers/tourists. One sits in the vacant seat across from me. There are some newspapers lying on the table, and in broken English she asks the guy next to her if they belong to him. His reply, word for word: "Naw hen; aye, wire in." Â The girl stared blankly at him for several seconds, desperately trying to figure out what he had said or meant. Then ever so slowly she moved her hand towards the newspaper and picked it up carefully, as if terrified that maybe he was going to bellow out some kind of protest. I wish it could have been caught on camera. Â This afternoon, back from Glasgow, waiting for a bus in central Stirling. The town centre is populated by, frankly, all sorts of no-hopers, drunks, jakies, dope-heads, beggars and slappers, some of them in several of those categories at the same time. It was actually like some kind of mad-house. One middle aged guy sitting on a ledge near the bus stop, face all purple and blotchy, clothes filthy, and he's absolutely steaming, begging money from all who pass. Another guy, younger, also steaming, staggers up to him. This second guy has no front top teeth and what lower teeth he has are mostly dark brown or black, and he has various chib marks on his face. It's clear that the two know each other and haven't seen each other for some time. "You're looking well," said the first to the second. I had to turn away to hide the grin on my face when I heard that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sigesige00 Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Hmmmm... My English ability is still very limited so I cannot understand this funny story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Hmmmm... My English ability is still very limited so I cannot understand this funny story. Fear ye not, sigesige, there are legions of souls erudite in the finer nuances of the English language the breadth of the British Isles and beyond who would be every bit as nonplussed as your good self, upon hearing something akin to - "Naw hen; aye, wire in." Â This particular offering is singularly rich in West of Scotland vernacular, and is arguably unique in the profundity of the sentiment which it conveys to the 'knowing' listener; to others, however, it may as well be a quote from an obscure Polynesian dialect. This is what makes us different, in a special way, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Billy Connoly used to quote one the great sayings... Â "this is me since yesterday" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thechangingman Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 Hmmmm... My English ability is still very limited so I cannot understand this funny story. Then how do you know it was funny ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicofan Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 Then how do you know it was funny ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicofan Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 my wee mate last week talking about his cousins who were twins "aye the 2 of them are twins" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
partick monkey Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 Then how do you know it was funny ? Probably because in was in a thread entitled "Funny things you see and hear." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vladimir Putin Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 Yesterday on the train going to Glasgow for the match, I'm sitting at a table beside one guy, and there's another guy across from us. At Larbert two girls get on, maybe Italian, clearly backpackers/tourists. One sits in the vacant seat across from me. There are some newspapers lying on the table, and in broken English she asks the guy next to her if they belong to him. His reply, word for word: "Naw hen; aye, wire in." Â The girl stared blankly at him for several seconds, desperately trying to figure out what he had said or meant. Then ever so slowly she moved her hand towards the newspaper and picked it up carefully, as if terrified that maybe he was going to bellow out some kind of protest. I wish it could have been caught on camera. Â This afternoon, back from Glasgow, waiting for a bus in central Stirling. The town centre is populated by, frankly, all sorts of no-hopers, drunks, jakies, dope-heads, beggars and slappers, some of them in several of those categories at the same time. It was actually like some kind of mad-house. One middle aged guy sitting on a ledge near the bus stop, face all purple and blotchy, clothes filthy, and he's absolutely steaming, begging money from all who pass. Another guy, younger, also steaming, staggers up to him. This second guy has no front top teeth and what lower teeth he has are mostly dark brown or black, and he has various chib marks on his face. It's clear that the two know each other and haven't seen each other for some time. "You're looking well," said the first to the second. I had to turn away to hide the grin on my face when I heard that. Â On a similar theme - in Bratislava on the way to Vienna for a Scotland game, several of us are wandering aimlessly around town trying to find the central area to get some food and, more importantly, drinks. A bold member of the group decides to take matters into his own hands and approaches a local Slovak girl passing by with the query 'where's the bevvy?'. He then seemed surprised that she didn't have the faintest idea what he was saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 my wee mate last week talking about his cousins who were twins "aye the 2 of them are twins" I heard of a guy who told his mate that he "looked like one of the Proclaimers" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I heard of a guy who told his mate that he "looked like one of the Proclaimers" Â Â ...who of course are the Broons twins that grew up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honved Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I was on the bus the other day and as I sat down the girl in the seat behind was just coming to the point of a phone call to someone. She said "So ah looked in the the windae and I seen him and ah went 'oh ma God, oh ma God' and he looked up and seen me and just started barkin" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted April 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I was on the bus the other day and as I sat down the girl in the seat behind was just coming to the point of a phone call to someone. She said "So ah looked in the the windae and I seen him and ah went 'oh ma God, oh ma God' and he looked up and seen me and just started barkin" Pure poetry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gianlucatoni Posted April 19, 2011 Report Share Posted April 19, 2011 I was on the bus the other day and as I sat down the girl in the seat behind was just coming to the point of a phone call to someone. She said "So ah looked in the the windae and I seen him and ah went 'oh ma God, oh ma God' and he looked up and seen me and just started barkin" Â Â ooooh the banter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 From an email I've just received from a mate: Tickled me. Â Â For those that don't know Major General Peter Cosgrove, this gentleman is an Australian. Â General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Â Please follow his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Â Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! Â This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. Â In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters. Â FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? Â The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, this interview was over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Not sure if this funny at all .... Walking up Northpark St. to the game on Saturday I spy in front of me a female, of indeterminate vintage, wearing a black & white checked coat and pink & white checked bottoms (probably pyjamas, as is the neddy fashion these days). The aforementioned doll is accompanied by a dug, and said dug is sporting a white "coat". As she stopped to wait an answer to the buzzer on a close door, I got nearer and was able to see that the dug's coat was, in fact, a kids-sized tee shirt and, as I passed by, I could see that it was a Sellick tee that the dug was clad in! Â Aye, definitely more sad than funny...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted April 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Not sure if this funny at all .... Walking up Northpark St. to the game on Saturday I spy in front of me a female, of indeterminate vintage, wearing a black & white checked coat and pink & white checked bottoms (probably pyjamas, as is the neddy fashion these days). The aforementioned doll is accompanied by a dug, and said dug is sporting a white "coat". As she stopped to wait an answer to the buzzer on a close door, I got nearer and was able to see that the dug's coat was, in fact, a kids-sized tee shirt and, as I passed by, I could see that it was a Sellick tee that the dug was clad in! Â Aye, definitely more sad than funny...... "Schadenfreude" comes to mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
policemans whistle Posted May 1, 2011 Report Share Posted May 1, 2011 Coming out of Falkirk High last week, when A guy came running up the hill for his train,the sweat was running off him,he passed another guy who said to him "Your sweatin mare than Neil Lennons postman" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Incognito Posted May 2, 2011 Report Share Posted May 2, 2011 A year or two ago I was walking past a Chinese takeaway on Crow Road (that clatty, green-fronted one that has recently closed) and spotted what was obviously a homemade poster pinned to the outside of the shop. Curiosity got the better of me and I stopped for a moment to read it. On closer inspection it read: "Missing cat", just above a wee photocopied picture of the missing moggie. Â Pretty sick, I know - but it did make me chuckle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have just received an email from a member of my union, complaining that senior management want rid of her, and that she feels she is being made 'an escape goat'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted May 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have just received an email from a member of my union, complaining that senior management want rid of her, and that she feels she is being made 'an escape goat'! Poor kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodstock Jag Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have just received an email from a member of my union, complaining that senior management want rid of her, and that she feels she is being made 'an escape goat'! Â Beware the escape goat. They're baaad ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted May 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 Beware the escape goat. They're baaad ass. There's nay point in taking the thread in the direction that it might go in.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 There's nay point in taking the thread in the direction that it might go in.... Yeah - have a go at someone else... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Incognito Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have just received an email from a member of my union, complaining that senior management want rid of her, and that she feels she is being made 'an escape goat'! Poor lass. Sounds like she is having a gruff time of it just now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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