Blackpool Jags Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 I bought a book on eBay called "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sunnylaw Jag Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 If it's not arrived you can open a case on the Resolution Centre and get your money back that way. Or maybe see if the seller has another copy to send. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeredStirlingsrightfoot Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 I read in the news this morning that Ray Dolby had died, it was upsetting but I was pleased he wasn't alone as he had his family surrounding him when he passed away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sunnylaw Jag Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 Yeah, but I heard his nephew Thomas was a bit Hyperactive! at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 I read in the news this morning that Ray Dolby had died, it was upsetting but I was pleased he wasn't alone as he had his family surrounding him when he passed away. I believe we'll be honouring the great man's passing tomorrow, just before kick-off, with a minute's noise reduction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eljaggo Posted September 14, 2013 Report Share Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Man goes to a house to buy a dog, and asks the owner the price. £3000 says the man. Thats expensive for a dog. Yes, but it can talk, ask it a question. OK says the man, What's your name? Spot, says the dog. And you can really speak, says the man. Yes says the dog, English, German, and some Spanish Thats amazing says the man, tell me more about yourself. Well says the dog, when I went for my inocculations as a puppy, the vet discovered I could speak, so he gave me a job as a receptionist in his practice, but after a few months, I got bored, joined the Army and went to Iraq and Afghanistan. But I was doing security patrols, sniffing out IEDs and it got a bit dangerous so I came home, got a job as head of security in a wing of Belmarsh High Security Prison. The food was terrible, so I left and have spent the last 2 years at a farm in Aberdeenshire, where I looked after 200 head of cattle, 300 ewes and 150 breeding sows. But it was really hard work, and so I have decided to retire. Thats astonishing, said the man, why on earth do you want to sell a dog that can speak 3 languages, and who has done all these amazing things? He tells lies, says the owner Edited September 14, 2013 by eljaggo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted September 21, 2013 Report Share Posted September 21, 2013 When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible." But when I do it, I'm, "a drunken basturt." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 I went into the bank and asked the cashier to check my balance so she pushed me over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted September 28, 2013 Report Share Posted September 28, 2013 Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. "My mate came off his motorbike today." he said. "Oh really?" I asked. "Yes," he replied, "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye." "Blimey," I said, "No wonder he came off it then." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 The Scottish Arab An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a Thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, "I thought you would show your generosity again, & would give me another BMW, diamonds, and money, but you only gave me a Thank-you Card and a box of Quality Street .." To this the Arab replied, "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins .... ." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 This isn't a Joke but just an observation. Why is it that every time you go to the Doctors he/she! or the receptionist always asks you " and how are you today" as if they really care and anyway Why would you be there if you were feeling Good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sunnylaw Jag Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 Yeah, you're right it isn't a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 Like I said Smarty Wombat Bum it's an observation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 A Male Fairy Tale Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No !!!” And the Prince lived happily ever after ie ........ he rode motorcycles and shagged skinny, long-legged Sheila's with big-tits, he hunted, fished and raced cars, he went to strip bars and dated women half his age, he drank whiskey, beer and heaps of Captain Morgan Rum and never heard any bitching, he never paid child support or alimony, he banged all the best looking cheerleaders and he kept his guns in his house, he ate spam, potato chips, cold pizza and beans for breakfast, he never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell he blew enormous farts whenever he felt like it, he had tons of money in the bank and he always left the toilet seat up. The End Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted October 4, 2013 Report Share Posted October 4, 2013 The wife said to me, "It really turns me on to watch you pleasure yourself." So I cracked open a can of Tennent's straight from the fridge and put on my video of the 1971 League Cup Final. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted October 12, 2013 Report Share Posted October 12, 2013 BREAKING: Montenegro-born defender Branko Boskovic scores for England - Jack Wilshere is said to be fuming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proudtobeajag1876 Posted October 15, 2013 Report Share Posted October 15, 2013 Guy walks into abar @says to barman selling 2 seater suite + 2 chairs worth 10000 sell u it for 200 great buy he said but my mum always said never take suites off strangers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 15, 2013 Report Share Posted October 15, 2013 A newly wed couple returned to their apartment after their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and make love?", the husband asked. "Shh!",said the bride."all the neighbours will know what we are about to do.These walls are paper thin.In the future we will have to speak in code.How about asking, 'have you left the waashing machine door open',instead." So,the following night the husband asks,"I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open?" "No...I definitely closed it tonight",replied the wife,and promptly turned over and fell soundly asleep. When she woke up,however,she was feeling a little frisky herself and nudged her husband,saying,"I think I might have left the washing machine door open after all,would you like to do some washing?". "No,thanks,"said the husband."It was only a small wash, so I did it by hand!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted October 17, 2013 Report Share Posted October 17, 2013 I have spotted a pattern to when England win the World Cup. It is every 900 years after the Battle of Hastings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted October 22, 2013 Report Share Posted October 22, 2013 A guy visits his local museum for the first time since he was a child. In awe at a superb dinosaur skeleton on the wall, he says to a museum assistant: "That dinosaur is awesome. How old is it?" The assistant replies: "It's 15 million years and seven and a half months old." The visitor is amazed. "Man, that's fantastic; how can you be so precise about its age. Carbon dating?" The assistant: "Well, when I started here seven and a half months ago......." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Jukebox Rebel Posted October 24, 2013 Report Share Posted October 24, 2013 Who is this then? Ross Draper trying to take a corner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 24, 2013 Report Share Posted October 24, 2013 A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing." The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it." . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 24, 2013 Report Share Posted October 24, 2013 THE MALE CYCLE When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now and I am looking for a girl with big tits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Partick Panther Posted October 24, 2013 Report Share Posted October 24, 2013 S O M E T I M E S Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. - - - But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody knows!! Gotcha!! And You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories! Send this to your friends -- Make them laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozjag Posted October 27, 2013 Report Share Posted October 27, 2013 The floodlights go out during the Ross County v Inverness game at the County home ground of Global Energy Stadium. That made me chuckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.